My embarrassing kid in the supermarket story

My embarrassing kid in the supermarket story

We’ve all got stories.  You know, embarrassing kids stories… those things our kids say and do which make us cringe.  Well here’s my embarrassing kid in the supermarket story from the other day.

Oh Olaf, my sweet, naughty, no not naughty, amazing with a pinch of cheekiness boy… and stupid Michael McIntyre… you see one day when I was in Tesco Olaf thought is would be funny to play “pants down, you’re the loser” at the till. I was wearing leggings!  I am not sure who saw but oh my goodness the embarrassment that time was pretty bad but weirdly for me, not as bad as yesterday.

As I was stood in the queue at the checkout with his brother in the trolley and he down by mu side, Olaf started hitting my tummy.  I knew he was about to echo stupid Peppa Pig and tell me it was a great big fat tummy and decided to cut him off before he did by saying to him don’t hit my tummy, it’s precious and both you and your brother were in my tummy for a long time when I was pregnant with you, so you should treat it really nicely.”

I noticed someone stocking a shelf, looking on and smiling at this funny little exchange… my heart swelled, and I felt smug and pleased that we’d shared something funny for her.

But of course, the good old Universe made sure I came down to Earth as Olaf said:
but Mum, you also said to me that I came out of your mini

It's a vagina!

It’s a vagina!

 

Yep, “mini”.  Because for some reason that’s what we decided to call vagina to him.

I didn’t look to see what the woman’s reaction was this time!  Because I was too embarrassed.  I’m pretty self aware so I realised soon that the reason I was embarrassed wasn’t why you’d expect.

I was not embarrassed because of what he said but I was so ashamed that somewhere along the line I’d chosen to start calling my vagina “mini”.

It’s not a mini, that’s diminishing its power.  It’s not mini after birthing him and his brother either to be fair!  It’s a goddess in its own right, it is ALL powerful. There is nothing MORE powerful in the whole of the world as far as I’m concerned.  

I think it was purely that I didn’t want him using the word around nursery and later on school. I think this is because “grown up words” which are fine and totally accurate still aren’t accepted properly.

So now I have to do a whole tonne of…well I would say navel gazing but we all know it’s lower down than that…vagina gazing

That in itself presents a problem!

Can I see it at the moment without a mirror because I’ve let myself go? Definitely not.

Do I respect my vagina properly?  Probably not

Do I know it’s awesome?  Definitely.

Do I tell my vagina that it’s awesome? No.

Should I tell it that?  I don’t know.  Probably

What do I call my vagina for the sake of the kids?

I asked on a Facebook group and the answers were completely mixed

I have to think of a more appropriate name for the part of my body which has given me so much.

It’s given me “the boys”, the pleasure – there’s nothing that’s been mini about this part of me and I have some making up to do I’m sure!   All I need is some alone time and a babysitter!

What do you call your vagina?

What embarrassing kid in the supermarket story do you have to share with me?

 

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